Redefining Success - Your Health and Happiness Depend On It

"Redefining Success - Your Health and Happiness Depend On It"," As men we heard our parents say, ""So and so is very successful, you should see the car he just bought.
"" When we were in school success was measured by our Grade Point Average.
 Our success was to be measured by some objective criteria: grades, money, power (power is often money), or possessions.
 I further suggest that to adhere to such a narrow definition of success is harmful to our mental health and can be destructive to a society.
"" Donald Trump, Michael Milken, Charles Keating, Donald Spiegel, to mention a few, all wanted to be successful.
 We revered these people because they amassed large fortunes.
 We didn't concern ourselves with their values, their morals, their attitudes.
 These people, and others like them, became the models of success.
 In previous generations we identified with various leaders, such as presidents, politicians, heads of corporations, and the like.
 A president was impeached, senators were found guilty of graft, the head of the FBI was corrupt and abused his power, corporate heads were found guilty of fraud and embezzlement.
 For men, this leaves a vacuum of idols.
 Even our sports heroes, in their quest for material gain or power, have been found guilty of unethical and illegal behavior.
 Where are men to turn for their models? What values should these models have? What are the appropriate criteria for a model of success?

By contrast, contemporary women have a great many models with whom to identify.
 By emulating men, women will end up in the same place that men have ended up.
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"" Such stress related illness as ulcers, hypertension, heart disease, as well as addictions to alcohol, drugs, and cigarettes, all of which have been traditionally male problems, are becoming increasingly common in women.
 The stress of trying to live up to external standards of success and achievement in an overly competitive world is one of the primary stresses of contemporary life.


Defining oneself by external standards such as material goods, status, wealth, income, and the size of one's home leaves us vulnerable to stress, since we are always concerned with losing these attainments.
 We have no control over whether we will lose our job due to cutbacks, lose our wealth due to stock market crashes or recession, or lose our clients, patients, or customers.
 We are all born with a certain set of genetically determined, biological givens.
 Picture a series of concentric circles moving from a small circle in the center to increasingly larger circles as you move outward, similar to a bull's-eye.
 attitudes, values, & beliefs



If your identity is based on your finances or career, for example, you have less control than those who define themselves by their attitudes and beliefs.
 If, on the other hand, you define yourself by the good deeds you do or by your values, no one can take these away and your self concept will remain constant.
 Once they retire, by choice or otherwise, or lose their job through economic changes, these individuals often feel at a loss.


Rather than the definition being defined by society, this alternative point of view suggests that we should define success according to the degree to which we achieve our own balance of priorities.
 If we define success as solely based on financial achievement, for example, our self image will go up and down at the whim of the economy.
 One was made out of solid sponge rubber and it was virtually indestructible.
 The other ball was hollow, but a very high bouncer, and hence the ball of choice.
 The mortality rate for the hollow ball was very high.


Self concept and Success

There are two issues here: one has to do with having greater control over our self concept, and the other relates to a new definition of success. 
, we have more control since these are less affected by contingency than finance and career.
 We might consider this as having an ""inner directedness"" rather than an ""outer directedness.
 On the other hand, a self concept based on outer directedness leaves us with a hollow core and less able to deal with adversity.
 We have control over our self concept since we can take action that directly affects how we feel about ourselves.
 We can control the extent to which we live up to our values, we can strive toward accomplishing our goals, we can make a contribution to our community, we can take care of our bodies and our minds, we can develop a social and spiritual consciousness that keeps us connected to the world around us, and we can develop hobbies and interests that enrich our lives.
 Our jobs do not define us.
 If you define yourself narrowly you will be more vulnerable to depression and anxiety.
 If your self concept is based on your career then retirement will be difficult since you will lose the basis of your identity.
 It takes time and effort.
 Our concept of self begins to develop during childhood and is resistant to change.
 Society contributes to our self concept when it defines boys as potential fathers and workers, and girls as mothers and homemakers, and when it defines success in terms of wealth, power, and accomplishment.


In order to change our self concept we have to take charge of our life.
 Your success depends on how you balance your priorities.
 Most of us have never given it a moment's thought--we merely accepted what was handed to us.


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